She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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