FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
