he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize