i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
