I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
