On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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