I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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