Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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