Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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