Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
