Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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