she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
