Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
