Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
this hospital has no fireball
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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