Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
