just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
