I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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