Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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