im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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