She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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