my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
