found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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