Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I AM VODKA MAN
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
