fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
