just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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