I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
