my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
