as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
