$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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