my mouth tastes like poor choices
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
