forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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