Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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