11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
