My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
