I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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