You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
