but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
