You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
