So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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