Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
me + whiskey = a bad person
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
