well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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