Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
