i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
