Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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