i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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