Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
