Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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