Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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