I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
