Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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