Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
